Celebrate Endings - Not Just the Wins
I was having coffee with a friend who had just finalized her divorce.
Instead of jumping straight to, “oh my gosh I’m sorry!” I asked, “How do you feel?”
Her answer? “Amazing! I’m so happy that this stage is over!”
First of all - a win for slowing down and listening rather than spouting some shit off the cuff. Go me!
But second of all, YES!
We have this weird response to ending things.
We get weird.
I talk a lot about celebrating with my clients. I write a lot about it, too:
Gather them all up!
Don’t just celebrate the final outcome, celebrate each step of the process!
Mostly because we’re trash at slowing down and celebrating - we very quickly hit some arrival fallacy energy and just say, what’s next!
But what about when we’re celebrating the end of something?
We’re even worse.
There’s this strange notion that the end is bad.
Priya Parker talks about it in the Art of Gathering - that at the end of a conference, a workshop, things get weird. It’s because we don’t like endings. They feel weird, they make us recognize the finality of things.
Here’s the thing. It’s GOOD to end things if they aren’t serving you anymore.
Bad relationship? Get the hell out of there!
Toxic job? Let’s choose to leave and get a new one!
Business is breaking you? Shut it the fuck down!
But people get weird. They say stupid shit like:
Oh my goodness, how will you find a partner now?! Aren’t you so sad!? Um, I’m a little bit sad, but way less sad than I was in that miserable relationship?!
You’re switching jobs again?! Oh boy, how will you ever find a job you can stick to! Uh, I also don’t need to stay at a job that was ruining my heart and soul? What’s the point of that?!
The business is closing?! How terrible! Are you okay? What will you do?! Um, I actually think I’m super brilliant and happy that I’m ending something that wasn’t working for me!
We have a fascination in longevity - how long you’ve been dating, your tenure at the company, the anniversaries celebrated. But there’s a hidden danger in the focusing on the length. If you’re chasing the next calendar year, you’re not slowing down and saying, wait… do I want to be here next year?!?!
So here’s the simple, one question that can help you decide if it’s time to close something down, happily:
If you were in this exact place, one year from now, how would you feel?
Sometimes people will say, you know what, that would be fine! I need to make some changes, set better boundaries, build a stronger network.
Others will say, holy shit, I would not want to still be in this exact place. I need to start making moves.
And that’s real. Because indecision? Not making a choice to change? It’s a decision. It’s a choice to stay where you are.
Struggling to figure out what you want to do next or if it’s time to go? Let’s talk!