The Spotlight Effect
The other weekend I found myself in a basement belting out One Hand in My Pocket, slightly mortified.
How did I get there? Well, first, it helps to have been a theater major and to have friends who host karaoke parties that you adore even if you don’t - gasp - actually enjoy karaoke. Yes, a theater major, never said a musical theater major - trust me, no one wants to hear me sing.
As much as I despise karaoke, I do love being a rowdy audience member that’s wildly supportive of whoever’s up there holding it down - yes, I am a coach, and prefer to be behind the scenes!!
So when a friend of a couple of decades insisted I reprise a 2010 east village performance, I did, because… the spotlight effect.
What the heck is the spotlight effect?!
The spotlight effect is a psychological phenomenon where people overestimate how much others notice their appearance, behavior, or mistakes. It was formed around a 1999 study by psychologists Thomas Gilovich and Kenneth Savitsky. They had college students wear and embarrassing t-shirt and then estimate how many of their peers would notice. The students guessed 50%. The reality? Only 25%.
Simply put, the Spotlight Effect reminds us it’s not really all about you!
This is one of my favorite unlocks around imposter syndrome, confidence, and navigating failure.
Simply put, no one really gives a shit as much as you do. No one is looking deeply at every single possible perceived flaw and saying to themselves, “ugh they’re sooooo [insert something that makes you cringe]”
This can be a SUPER POWER.
What does the spotlight effect look like in action?
When we realize that we are the main character in our own lives, but at best, a supporting actor in everyone else’s, there’s freedom there!
But to that I say, babes, we’re just a side-quest in everyone else’s story.
The email you sent and haven’t heard back? They don’t hate you. They have other things going on!
The fumble in that presentation? You’re the only one who’s waking up at 3am thinking about it.
The newsletter that was sent a day later than usual? Truly no one is sitting at their inbox just twiddling their thumbs until it lands. Except you, of course. You’ve been sitting their just WAITING FOR ME TO GET HERE AND HERE I AM.
How can we use the spotlight effect as a super power in our lives?
Want to try out the super power of recognizing the spotlight effect?! Here’s some experiments to run this week:
Get weird. Yeah, do something out of the ordinary, you might notice, that no one notices. Weird, right?!
Try self-distancing. Think about how this day/moment will sit in your memory 1 month from now. 3 years from now. On your deathbed. Probably not a big deal, huh?
Shout it out. If we’re doing something we DO want the spotlight on us, knowing that NO one is really noticing means we need to be EXTRA loud. So that might look like: capturing your wins so you can self-advocate come promotion time, or sharing with people you care about something you’re proud of. Go ahead. They probably want a chance to give you an oscar nod, too.
And for those of us who are still trying to step into the leading role in our lives… that ‘s where I come in.