Rekindling the Flame - When The Fire Sputters Out
You know that moment, when you blow out a candle but the embers are still red? And you know, if you just gave it a little puff of the good ol’ O2 it would light right back up?
Technically a safety hazard since my ritual-related candle recently decided to rekindle itself (always double check, y’all!).
So often we’re focused on how to get the momentum to start our goals. Start Monday! Wait til January! Sign up for a course! Feel the fear! Fight the procrastination! Get an accountability buddy! We can talk about goal-setting and the kick-off all day.
The reality is: we’re going to fall short of our goals. It’s about what we do once we don’t meet the initial plan.
Often folks ask me how I’m so disciplined.
I’m not.
I just create systems around me that help me remain disciplined. Ones the reduce friction to make it easier for me to choose the next best action. I.e. rather than hope my willpower is strong around cookies, I rarely keep them in the house. Not because I can’t do it - but because I’d rather not force myself to do it. Same with exercise, reading, I focus on making it as easy as humanly possible to follow the intentions I set out to meet.
The REstart is just as important as the START.
Most of the clients I meet with focus on consistency - I want to be more consistent, more disciplined, I want to do it perfectly every time. Which is a recipe for disaster. Because the reality is, you’re going to miss days. You’re going to have travel, illness, tough work periods, etc.
This happens in organizations too. We start a quarter with a fresh plan about how we’ll enact our grand vision.
Then the rubber meets the road and we’re in a ditch - distracted by a senior leader, a stakeholder, a surprise discovery in the data.
It’s important to remember how to bring things back on the rails.
And, do it without increasing blame, frustration - a whole heaping amount of self-compassion.
Here are some ways to rekindle the flame that sputtered out on your goals:
Plan for practice over consistency. Assume you can’t meet 100% consistency, but you can develop a practice. Am I still a runner if I don’t run every day? Am I still a mother when I have a rough interaction with my littles? Am I still a fantastic coach when I didn’t have a client that day? The answer, spoiler alert, is yes.
Gamify the return. Seinfeld talks about making X’s on his calendar for everyday he wrote, and then focusing on not breaking the chain. Note, that doesn’t mean you never break the chain. It means you find ways to enjoy the return, and see how hard you’re working, visually! I keep a little notebook for my workouts - each time I work out, I write it down and I can see how I’m doing over the month not just the day/week
Pause for reflection. When the fire burns out repeatedly, it’s a good moment to check in. Is it possible this goal is too meaty? Too unclear? Not what you want to do, but what you think you SHOULD do? Is there something like fear of failure/success/judgement blocking you? Sometimes it’s just good ol’ procrastination - but, procrastination can be information if we listen to it. Once we reflect and can name what we’re experiencing, it makes it much easier to take appropriate steps for additional research or action.
Reduce friction. I workout, but some ways I’ve made that easier on myself? 1) I put on workout clothes first thing - it doesn’t make me the most fashionable parent at drop-off, but, it means I’m ready to lift weights as soon as I get home. 2) I follow a free youtube plan - it tells me what exercises to do, and helps me go through the motions without having to even think about it. 3) I keep my workouts manageable - rather than hope I can squeeze out a full 50-minute in-person class - I workout at home, alone, at the time I want, for 20-30 minutes, max.
Celebrate progress in the moment. When you’re feeling frustrated by falling apart on the plan - take note of what you have accomplished. Usually it’s more than you think. You can do this each day with a quick check-in when you close down your day. Or, you can start a gratitude practice - here’s the 21-day freebie that drops a prompt right your inbox!
Index for action over research. Research is gathering information/preparing, Action is doing something that can have real results. Often we get stuck in a research procrastination spiral. The ideal go-to-market strategy. The perfect 20-minute workout. The meal plan to end all meal plans. Nah, the best way through is through the work. So if you’re noticing that you aren’t actually working on your corporate strategy, that SOP, doing the workouts, writing - it’s usually because you’ve hung out too long in the safe zone of “research” mode which feels super duper safe. Because no one can get ya there! Neither can you.
Invest in it. When we’re coming back, sometimes we need a boost past the initial momentum we found. So put some money in it. Maybe you sign up for a challenge. Maybe you find a buddy to pair up with on your work. You join a class, a cohort, a crew. You find a personal recommendation from someone who can help. It can help, quite a bit.
Speaking on investing in it… if you’re looking for a partner, reach out.