You Need a Circle of Trust - Or Things Will Fall Apart

Last time, I talked about building a board, a challenge network. A space where you’re going to be pushed. We all need it - especially as we get more senior. Most folks INCORRECTLY assume that as they advance in their career, go out on their own - they’ve surpassed the need for support.

Hot take - you need it EVEN MORE, because you’re in the wild wild west babyyyy.

I’ve spoken about the Circle of Trust for Bigwig, a group of entrepreneurs and founders in North Jersey, Project 2.8, Columbia Venture Community’s accelerator for female founders and for Get Sh!t Done, the community that’s focused on hitting revenue goals for female founders.

Basically, I’m a Circle of Trust expert. I should put it on my LinkedIn.

As a coach to established senior professionals… it’s HARD to adult.

The folks I partner with are trying to establish their story, their expertise, their short and long term goals at work - and with life. And, they’re parenting, caregiving to aging parents, handling mid-day school pick-ups for sick kids, figuring out 401k options, making sure they drink enough water, move their body, try to get 8 hours of sleep with 2 hour wake-ups… you get the deal, right?

Then they wake up, and be straight bosses at work.

They need a Circle of Trust.

What is a Circle of Trust:

The Circle of Trust is a space where you can completely, fully, devolve into a puddle of mayhem.

It’s the people that you’ve built in your life who you feel comfortable speaking real truths to. There’s no need to gloss over the details. They’ll hold space for you to really, truly, unload without worrying about overwhelming them, offending them, or having to get it just right.

Sometimes, there are people who can sit on both your board, and your trust circle - I often straddle both, but, it’s rare.

Think about the last time you felt completely unmoored. Who did you want to talk to?

That’s one of your people!

Who should be on your Circle of Trust:

You need to fill the circle with people who you can truly be yourself with. Some ideas:

Your partner - if you’ve lucked out in partner selection, your partner can be top of the list - they’re the person who you can talk about what happened today with Susan unabashedly. Best part? They are often deeply on your side. Because ugh, Susan! You suuuuuck. (Just kidding, Susan is probably great and it’s much more complicated.)

Your childhood bestie - They don’t really know what you do for work, but that’s okay. That’s a good thing! They just love and adore you and can cheerlead and pump you up.

A past colleague - They know you. They’ve seen the mayhem. They’ve gone out for drinks, and covered for you when you were too tired the next day. They’ve advocated for your promotion, made you look good. They can be your reference for a new role, and, they can hear the real version of your exit interview.

A therapist or counselor - That’s what we pay them the big bucks for. One of the benefits of a therapist or counselor being on the list here is the lack of need to reciprocate. We get to be selfish. With a friend or partner, we want to make time and space for them to divulge as well. With a professional who’s sole purpose is to support you, then being able to just give in - it’s pretty magical.

A coach - Duh, had to say it. In the world of therapy and reflection, a coach can hold the space for the fear and concern, and then ask you, “Okay, so what are we going to DO about it.” Personally, I like having both at my disposal - a therapist so that I can divulge and just BE, and a coach so I can’t stay in the past and wallow - unless it’s Wednesday. That’s therapy day. Wallow away!

Why we need a Circle of Trust:

It doesn’t necessarily require a formal knighting or asking them to be at your table, but, having people in your corner makes all the difference. Being senior is lonely, and being amongst our peers requires us to present differently. Having individuals and spaces that you feel true psychological safety to talk openly about your concerns, desires, struggles and wins… we need it.

Want to add me to your circle?